george carlin


#Ferguson auf den Punkt gebracht

So sehr man sich über das Thema aufregen könnte (und vielleicht sollte): Eigentlich muss man zu den Geschehnissen in Ferguson gar nicht viel sagen. Was da – und überhaupt in dieser Welt – falsch läuft, sollte jedem normal denkenden Menschen einleuchten. Bill Maher, und mein neuer Lieblingsmensch John Oliver bringen es in den folgenden zwei Videos auf den Punkt.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Ferguson, MO and Police Militarization


Real Time With Bill Maher: Blitzkrieg Cop


Und auch wenn das Ausmaß des Wahninns dank der Aufrüstung der lokalen Polizei erst in den letzten Jahren nochmal ordentlich an Fahrt aufgenommen hat: Man konnte sich auch 1999 schon sehr gut über Menschen aufregen, die einfach nicht in die Polizei gehören. 16 Jahre später, und es wird nur schlimmer. Nicht nur in Amerika, versteht sich.

George Carlin – Police Brutality


Flughäfen und so

Immer wenn ich zum Flughafen muss, hab ich denselben Gedanken.

Spätestens dann, wenn ich im Flieger sitze, und die Sicherheitsanweisungen vorgeführt werden. Mittlerweile ja nicht mehr von den Flugbegleiter/Innen persönlich, sondern als Video in den Bildschirmen, die in jeder Kopfstütze montiert sind. Und jedesmal wünschte ich mir, dass darauf einfach George Carlins Stand-Up-Routinen „Airline Announcements“ und „Airport Security“ abgespielt würden.

Als selbstironische Aktion eines Piloten, der gerade die Kündigung bekommen hat. Oder irgendein Hacker, der gerade Langeweile hatte, und sich in’s System eingeklinkt hat. Wie is egal. Aber mach das doch bitte beim nächsten Mal klar, liebes Universum.

Rest in peace, George.

Just a quote

The secret to happiness is finding something you love and doing it well and then being recognized for it. Someone, even if it’s one person who says „you’re doing a great job“, or if it’s applause, put those three things together, and you’re happy.

I said to my wife at that time: „Even if I only filled coffee-houses, three days a week for the rest of my life, I’d be happy doing that.“

300 Tage Schweinegrippe

Nur damit die Verhältnisse mal klar werden, ihr Pussies (Klick vergrößert):

300 Days of Swine Flu
300 Days of Swine Flu

Bild von Michael Paukner / via Denis Welsch

Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this? The media constantly running stories about all the latest infections? Salmonella, E-coli, hanta virus, bird flu, and Americans will panic easily so everybody’s running around scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands, trying to avoid all contact with germs. It’s ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths.

In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn’t want some guy to go to hell AND be sick.Fear of germs, why these fuckin‘ pussies. You can’t even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shit out of everything now ‚cause everyone’s afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a fuckin‘ chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk.

Take a fuckin‘ chance bunch of goddamn pussies.Besides, what d’ya think you have an immune system for? It’s for killing germs! But it needs practice, it needs germs to practice on. So if you kill all the germs around you, and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along, you’re not gonna be prepared. And never mind ordinary germs, what are you gonna do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital organs into liquid shit?! I’ll tell you what your gonna do … you’re gonna get sick. You’re gonna die and your gonna deserve it because you’re fucking weak and you got a fuckin‘ weak immune system!

Let me tell you a true story about immunization ok. When I was a little boy in New York city in the nineteen-forties, we swam in the Hudson river. And it was filled with raw sewage! OK? We swam in raw sewage, you know, to cool off. And at that time the big fear was polio. Thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know something? In my neighborhood no one ever got polio. No one! EVER! You know why? Cause WE SWAM IN RAW SEWAGE! It strengthened our immune system, the polio never had a prayer. We were tempered in raw shit!

So personally I never take any precautions against germs. I don’t shy away from people who sneeze and cough. I don’t wipe off the telephone, I don’t cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor I pick it up and eat it!Even if I’m at side walk cafe! IN CALCUTTA! THE POOR SECTION! ON NEW YEARS MORNING DURING A SOCCER RIOT! And you know something? In spite of all the so called „risky behavior „…. I never get infections. I don’t get em. I don’t get colds, I don’t get flu, I don’t get headaches, I don’t get upset stomach, And you know why? Cause I got a good strong immune system! And it gets a lot of practice!

My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic military assault rifles, with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs and anti personnel fragmentation mines.

So, when my white blood cells are on patrol reconnoitering my blood stream seeking out strangers and other undesirables, and if they see any, ANY, suspicious looking germs of any kind, THEY DON’T. FUCK. AROUND. They whip out the weapons, they wax the motherfucker and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Into my colon. There’s no nonsense! There’s no miranda warning, there’s none of that three strikes and your out bullshit. First defense, BAM! Into the colon you go!

— George Carlin